(SQPRANOS THEME SONG)
Don’t miss your first session
I forgot, I gotta take care of this first.
There he is
How's it going, buddy?
Don't you own a fucking mirror?
Looks like you've been kissing the Pillsbury Dougnboy
All right, come on, What do you got for me?
What the fuck, Dominic? -That's half,
-Three weeks in a row? Business slow! We tell you!
We pay, what for? Kid break window, you do nothing,
We pay no more! -What'd she say?
Don't listen to her Come on, let's go
Honey, out front_ Come on! Now!
Goddamn whore bitoh
You got money for blow, but not us?
Chris, p|ease_ |'m sorry
"Business s|ow." Half the biook is out there waiting for blowjobs!
You drug addict motherfucker!
This shit's unacceptable!
How you doing, hon?
The third time this week, Artie
They can't turn down a four-top
You're done already?
About time, I was gonna start on your drapes
What the fuck is that? -Quail,
A Ia Bucco_ Baby quail stuffed with fennel sausage_
Can I get AIDS from eating this?
Hey, Artie, didn't I see this guy shit on a statue in the park?
Jesus Christ_ I'm trying something new_
Broaden your horizons -Forget the fancy shit,
You know what you need? A top-notch mozzarella maker
Like that kid from the other side Best cheese ever,
-The best, They get the real miIk
Seriously, aII he does 24 hours a day he makes mozzareIla_
He's a master cheese maker
So's Paulie
C)h, yeah? All right
-Arthur, the bank, Enjoy, l'II catch you later
You better run
Why isn't she going?
After she takes her broom for an oil change_
I'II be right back
Artie
That guy we spoke about?
The cheese? It's my cousin -C)h, yeah?
I haven't told anybody but he's coming over.
IVIaybe you could hire him, help me out with immigration
Kitchen's packed_ I can barely pay myself
Why's he coming if he has a job there?
You know what? Either do me the favor, or not_
Third grade on up, you needed something, I was there_
Does he at Ieast know his ass from a schmutz?
The actor is the instrument for conveying ideas_ During the next
Your first assignment is to act Iike one who gets here on time!
Sorry, Tunnel
As writers, you'll find it enormously heIpfuI___
___to walk a mile in the actor's shoes
Imagine being an architect who's never Iifted a stone_
Gver the next few weeks we'II focus on improv and scene study
Why don't we begin by introducing ourselves
IVlitch IVlcDermott. Raised in Hartsdale but don't hold that against me.
B_A_ in English Lit from Ithaca
I've written a few specs, haven't sold anything yet
Right now I'm on the sales team at Chick Brauer Porsche/Audi_
Great Welcome
I\/Iy name is Chris IVIacEveety
I work on Wall Street_ Not on Wall Street, but you know, stocks
You write?
Yeah_ I wanna write for the movies Like GoodFellas.
Any special reason you chose this class?
I didn't_ It was a birthday present from my girlfriend_
I had some problems with my screenplay so I bought__.
How to Write a Movie in 21 Days That was a year ago,
I can't guarantee you'II write faster, but hopefully you learn a few things
lVly name is Cynthia Weller I was born in Savanna,,,
but we moved to Hempstead when I was 5,
..sources in the Attorney's Office say nephew Anthony Soprano...
remains the de facto boss of the North Jersey mob.
Soprano, seen here in an FB/ sun/eillance photo with...
...family associate 'Big Pussy" Bompensiero
...was the target of a murder attempt ....
Let's walk
I had coffee with your friend from the railroad.
I need you to go to Newark for me -Airport?
Al Italia. A friend of ours is coming in.
Who? IVIauro Zucca's wife? -No,Funo.
Furio? Coming here?
What, to see what indoor plumbing Iooks Iike?
I'm making some changes
Thanks for fucking telling me When was this decided?
Sunday. l\/Iy house. Box of IVlaIlomars on the counter
Fucking empty. You think I don't know it was you?
Listen, him coming over is good You're getting a bump.
Fucking lVlallomars. I thought you Iost your mind
The way things are I got to step back.
Feds find an excuse, I do time forjaywalking.
Not Iike the old days
Furio being here frees you up frees me up.
It's me, then you and SiI together That's the pecking order.
-What about Puss? Pussy reports to you guys. Directly
Same with Furio
This means a Iot to me, T
It was a downpour
He couIdn't see anything It was impossible.
Where are you in the dream?
He's driving, and he starts to hyperventilate.
He grabs for a bottle of Prozac but it's empty.
And while this is happening
Cver the Rainbow No, that other one
(SINGING WIZARD GF oz soNo)
They're in the poppy field
That one
Anyway, he goes into a full-blown panic attack, and he passes out.
(CRASHING soumo)
He crashes into this huge truck
Cut of the woods
The fact that he can't see the road ahead suggests my abandoning him
Who in Wizard would your patient be?
Given the fact that he's a powerful dominating male?
Cz himself?
What, Elliot, with the eyebrow already?
The Wizard of Oz, what memories does it conjure up?
I\/Iy parents' house. Watching it on TV
Hiding under the blanket with my sister.
I'm gaining weight
Why do we Iove roller coasters Jennifer? Scary movies?
To experience the thrill of being terrified...
without the consequences That's very good, Elliot.
Great film, but some terrifying moments.
I'm concerned that treating a mobster provides you some
It wasn't exactly vicarious
And wasn't that thrilling? -Fuck you!
You think this is funny
You smug cocksucker! Fuck you!
(DOOR cLos|Ne)
(|=>HoNE R|No|No)
Hello?
Who is this?
She's not here right now
Hey, IVIom, do we have any jam? -No.
Get dressed. You're Iate
Yeah, that's my mother's house On the what?
I'|I give her the message
-Bitch. What's the matter?
The bank. She's trying to get a Ioan on IVlom's house.
Parvati? -Janice.
Her name is Janice, okay?
All right, Tony. Calm down
She's living rent-free
She's gotta squeeze money out of the house too?
Fucking goddamn fucking bitch
Goddamn it, Tony!
What did I say, AJ? Go get dressed
Product Testing. Giving that phone an F for durability.
Janice, it's me. Open the door!
What are you doing here?
Where's my sister? -The store.
I'm making breakfast. You want some eggs?
Do I want some eggs?
Why don't you put your fucking pants on?
Let's have some coffee. Come on
What the fuck, Rich? IVIattress at the shelter a Iittle Iumpy?
We're adults, Tony. And we got history together
Israel and Palestine -People change.
I was away a Iong time. I thought a Iot about her
Ten years? Some men Iook better than her
Don't think about moving in
It was Iate. Isieptover. We're taking it slow, okay?
Picking up where we left off -High school.
Blowjobs on my mother's couch
Crossed the Iine on me once, Anthony
And I held my tongue
She may be your sister But back the fuck off.
What do you know about respect?
I put you back in business, sucker
Did you go see Beansie? Fucking paraplegic?
Hey, I thought that was
Why did you take out a Ioan?
-What? You heard me
What is it, his idea? Like you could pay it back?
I'm quite capable of getting a job Tony.
With carpal tunnel syndrome? You'II hold a beggar's cup?
I never begged a day in my Iife
Right. Fake disabilities don't count
I applied for the Ioan because I'm trying to make this habitable for I\/Ia
l'II take care of the Ioan. Don't worry. l'II give you the money
That's beautiful. Stay as Iong as you like, Rich
She's your fucking problem now
This is a no-stopping zone, ma'am The sign's right there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see it I Ieft my glasses at home.
You need to wear them for driving
Now, into this mix comes Brenda's husband, Omar..
who's just leaving the market with a bag of oranges.
What's the trouble here, officer?
What are you doing? You're dropping your oranges
Very good, Chris. Great improv
There we have it. Listen Any questions?
Okay, then. Let's see what the pros have to teach us.
For next time
Phil and Joanne
Scene two, Barefoot in the Park.
The Glass ll/lenagerie. You are the Gentleman CaIIer
Bob and Amy
(cH/_\TTER|No )
(POP soNo |=>|_Av|No)
The breast milk. Un poco poco, Iittle each eye
He tells me nothing. Who's the zip, anyway?
He's a friend of ours We'II talk Iater.
What's the matter? -Nothing.
Come here
You having a good time? Food's good, right?
Your home is spectacular The television.
-The .... Satellite
The AIVIC, Two Women is on. La Loren
Tell them what your favorite TV program is.
(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN )
-Oh, look who it is. Christopher, how you doing, man!
-What are you doing here? I come. Tony make a party for me
Furio, come here. I want you to meet somebody
Scusa
What the fuck? Is he on vacation?
Yeah, he saw a travel poster for sunny New Jersey.
He's with us now?
lVlmm
Guess I didn't get the memo
Would you have read it if you got one?
Where the fuck you been? Did you talk to the tanning salon guy?
He only had half -Again?
If you ask me, it's that Chinese cunt he's married to.
-Bad influence. She's a Filipino
I wasn't sure what you wanted
Send him a past-due note What do you think?
You know
You know what?
Leave it alone
You sure? -Yeah.
-Carmela. What do you want?
I brought some cookies, pignolis
Our relative from the other side is here, I should pay respect.
What did you say about glass?
Collection, I said. I have one
Know what I judge to be the trouble with you?
Inferiority complex. Know what that is?
That's what they call it when someone Iow-rates himself.
For instance, that ciumping you thought was so awful in high school
You gave up your education for a clump.
A Iittle physical defect is what you have.
A Iittle physical defect?
-You were doing so good. It doesn't make any sense!
The guy's a player and he wants to fuck her?
Where does it say he's trying to fuck her?
-Please. IVIaybe he is not
You ever think that's why he's the "GentIeman CaIIer"?
IVIaybe he's a gentleman -He's a douche bag.
-So quit. I'm not gonna quit
-I Iike you as an actor. Joe Pesci or something
Let it be known from this day forth lawlessness will not be tolerated."
Jimmy Hollywood. Come on!
Hey, Tony
l'II be a few minutes. Fix something to drink
What's up?
Guy named Danny Greco called for a Ioan. Said you'II vouch.
For Danny? Yeah. I told you Danny was good
-Oh, yeah? Yeah, at the steak house
-Yeah. A few minutes
Since I'm here. Can I talk to you about something?
On any fucking scale you wanna use, things are going good
I'm firmly in charge, no trouble there. lVly family is healthy. Right?
So why am I ripping phones out of the wall in front of my kid?
And screaming at my sister, although she's unimportant to me
Got a Iot on your mind
Because I'm the boss? -Yeah.
That's the point
You never saw Carlo or Lucky or Douglas IVlacArthur...
What if I said I saw a shrink?
I had an inkling
Every once in a while I get anxious...
you know, just in general No reason.
I'm in my kitchen. AII of a sudden I can't breathe, right?
I'm suffocating. I get to the point where I pass out
Hmph
Just Iike your father -What is?
-He had the same thing. He had anxiety attacks?
Well, in those days we called it a "condition."
Didn't happen often, once a year
Holy shit
He cracked his head open on a cigarette machine.
-Did he go to a doctor? Your father? Are you kidding?
Wouldn't have mattered. They didn't know how to treat it
They're not much better now
There's an article in the Times They got this machine.
It can see images of the brain and how it...
responds to fear -Fear?
A person, listening to a tape of a parent criticizing
I'm talking about an adult
...their fear center kicks right in. You can actually see it in an IVIRI
I had this weird dream the other night--
I'm telling you, they used my ass to invent some new tests
I was at the beach. But I had a suit on, and shoes too
Camera up your ass the size of a garden hose
Want to hear this dream? -All right.
-Got a sec? Sure, what's up?
It's my scene. Gentleman CaIIer guy It's not me.
It's not supposed to be. That's why they call it acting
I know, it'sjust .... I'd rather do something else
Cynthia too. They're cool with it -All right.
AIan's partner dropped out, so I gotta find something for him
Rebel Without A Cause
-James Dean. Copy it for the others
Get comfortable with it
-It's great. Cool. I don't want a James Dean impression
Yeah. No
Poor creatures. You are such poor creatures. Yes.
Don't give them that shit!
They nke it
What'd I tell you? He's gonna choke!
Little pieces. They're hungry
For fucking cheese doodles they're not!
You know everything! -Yeah, I do.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN )
You too
Date an American, that's what you get
I should introduce you to my brother.
If I wanted a factory worker, I wouId've stayed in Kazakhstan
Lot of fucking words for nothing
He said, if I don't like to fight, I should find myself a Russian
Got a problem, besides those pants?!
You shouIdn't yeII -Oh, yeah?
I make business. She's nice -Are you a counselor?
Want to get involved in problems?
-IVly testicles! Now you're involved
These are balls, right? -Yes.
Do something! You wanted to be involved, now you are!
You Iet go! We'II call police
You. We call police! -Fuck you!
Fuck!
Get your shit, we're going Come on.
IVIove your ass!
Why do you always have to ruin everything?
Huh?
Just move your ass
Help me, Daddy. Daddy
You can depend on me, trust me. Whatever comes, we'II face together
Fuck this shit! You said you weren't gonna Iaugh!
I didn't Iaugh. Baby, you were doing so good
Yeah, fuck this -Christopher!
(TV B|_AR|No )
Absolutely not. Do the work you were assigned
How about where I'm scared
and dive out of the car before Buzz goes off the cliff?
There's no dialogue in that scene -The knife fight?
No. I already changed it once
I gave you the scene because it's challenging
This Russian fuck!
Lucky I didn't get hauled in
It wouId've played great with Junior and everybody else!
I have to run from my own Ieisure-time activities.
lVlmm
Carmeia wouId've known who was on the boat.
That's nothing new. Or my kids -It happens, okay?
-What's wrong with me? You got some kind of complex
-What kind? You know, sleep always helps
You wanna go to sleep? Go! -Hey!
-Jesus Christ! Easy does it, Iaddie buck
I was never good with my fist but there was one guy.
Almost drove me to murder -Lately, I feel this...
aversion to my swimming pool Depresses me.
The sucker was a sound engineer at my studio.
Talked about Germany aII the time
I find myself avoiding the yard
He wasn't a Nazi, he just rubbed me the wrong way.
One time I pulled into a parking lot
and he was two spots over
...rotating his tires. Like it was a goddamn service station
So, I said to him
Straight back. Back as far as they could take me.
And then, it aII dissolved
Everything dissolved
That's it. That's the end -Very good, Omar.
Just say "scene" when you're done, okay?
Chris, IVlitch, Cynthia and
Alan. Our "rebels without causes
Okay, so we are at the pianetarium
Alan is Jim's friend
...Plato, who is about to get mistakenly shot by the police
lVlitch is his father
And Cynthia is his troubled friend Judy.
Shut the lights!
IVIake them go away! Keep away from me! I don't believe you anymore!
Gunshot! -Jim!
I got the bullets! Look! -Oh, God!
And the cops swarm in
Let him alone! That's my son. When I saw the red jacket, I thought ....
Hey, jerkpot, what'd you do that for?
You can't help it, son. You did everything a man could
Help me, Daddy!
Dad, help me. Daddy!
You can depend on me. Trust me
Whatever comes, we'II face it together
It's okay, Jim. Stand up
l'II stand up with you
And l'II try to be as strong as you want me to be.
Poor baby got nobody. Just nobody
(soss|No>
He was always cold
Dad. This is Judy She's my friend.
Un-freaking-believable!
God, you were really good
Great job, Chris
You wanna watch your ashes, please?
I'II be outside
We should hit a Devil's game some night.
Still get tickets from the Greek?
-Right on the ice. I'|I bring my sweater
Hey, chef of the future
Have a seat
How you doing, Foodio? -"Furio."
You didn't stomp those grapes yourself?
Look at this group
Hey, lVlr. New York. What did you do swim across that river?
Come over here. Congratulations -Thanks.
Hey, don't get up -I wasn't gonna.
-Piece of shit. Say hello to Furio
Friend of ours, from the other side
Oh, hey. I heard a Iot about you -Nice to meet you.
So, what's up?
Puss
Wanna give us a minute?
I'm in the middle of eating -I know.
Do me a favor, will you, sweetie? -Yes?
Keep this warm. Thank you
Five minutes. All right?
I gotta make a call anyway
AII these years were for nothing -What'd I say?
You think Tony gives a fuck about you?
"This thing of ours." lVlore like, "This thing of mine
Same aII over. Look out for number one
You don't understand
He's dizzy from hair spray
If ever there's a guy in desperate need of a nickname.
At Ieast he's Italian. Try getting passed for a Samoan
Sesaga. Three years out of Ouantico he's in charge.
You're kidding. What about Peterno?
Kansas City
Eleven years of this shit -Like Tony says...
most of the guys in this Iife there's no honor.
You can't even depend on friends
Whole society's fucked -No one's coming up.
Half of them are on drugs, the other half are psychos!
World full of scumbags
I'm thinking about taking my patient back.
It's a serious decision He's my responsibility
Elliot, I abandoned him
We've been over this. Your life was in danger
Not anymore
Do you realize what I did Iast week?
I stormed out of here Iike a child Cursing, threatening, acting out.
That's exactly what he does to me
I'm feeling so
I don't know where this is coming from.
You mentioned you've put on a Iittle weight...
lately. Do you think
the overeating has to do with your patient?
What is it you're not telling me? -I don't know.
I don't know what you mean
-Okay. Idont
What are you driving at?
Just, watch your intake of sugar
Okay
You know, we spoke Iast time about childhood fascinations with danger.
I think seeing him again will be very therapeutic for me.
It's not supposed to be therapeutic for you. This is your therapy.
Do you have sexual feelings for him?
I have feelings. On a personal level
He can be such a Iittle boy sometimes
That's it. The one with the palm tree
There's a buzzer under the desk
An office in the back
(SPEAKING ITALIAN )
AII right, tell me again what I said
It's notjust Dominic who is the problem. It's the wife too
Here
lVlay I help you?
What are you doing?
Stop! Stop!
What are you doing?! Stop!
(GUNSHOTS)
(scREAM|No )
O
(scREAM|No )
No more! No!
-Please! Stop! You greasy son of a-- Goddamn you!
Fucking son of a bitch!
Cocksucker !
Oh, goddamn! l'll kill you
No. You go. We pay money
(cRv|No )
(YELLING ITALIAN )
Goddamn son of a bitch!
(|=>HoNE R|No|No)
-Yeah? It's Dr. Me/fi
-Yeah, so? I tried your other number
If you want, I could fit you in tomorrow at 2:30.
Should I put you down?
No, fuck it
Why do you say that?
Getting by without it. There's no cure for Iife
Well .... You think about it
I'II keep the hour open -Yeah.
A case in point: Words are only words
You just saw two actors have an entire conversation saying only, "A'
and the other responding, "B
IVlitch, Christopher, you wanna give it a try?
-Come on, Chris! Your girlfriend's gonna be pissed
Stop it, Christopher!
This is inappropriate! We do not hit!
Come on! Knock it off!
OH, IVIY GOD
Are you okay? Are you aII right?
Ah!
I\/ly God, sorry
I think it's broken
We should get you to a doctor
There's nothing they can do
I don't understand. The guy didn't say anything?
He didn't have to. That was the point of the whole exercise.
But he didn't flip you off You said so yourself.
IVIaybe doing that scene brought up some bad feelings.
What scene? -You know...
where he was your father
You said the class aII clapped
I was fucking acting
I was better than IVlitch Even I knew that.
IVIaybe he reminded you of your father and that's why you got so into it.
IVIaybe that's why you hit him tonight -IVIy father?
Those feelings about how he died so young.
-Oh, fuck that. Well, acting is mostly feelings
Unless the actor is driving a car or fighting or something.
You want to write? Feelings is what it's aII about
Revealing your innermost feelings is the best writing.
How do you know what it's aII about?
From writing orders at the restaurant?
Ow!
-Take it easy! Your thing with scriptwriting
I hated seeing you suffer with that writer's block.
I had to get it for your birthday
I'm sorry
Adrian, I'm sorry!
Are you still taking your medication?
Off and on
You should either take it or don't take it. Okay?
that Ied to an auto accident
That seems Iike years ago
You mean, you're so busy?
Or you mean you're angry with me for not agreeing to treat you?
I found out a Iittle medical history
I\/Iy old man had the same thing
Panic attacks, followed by passing out
Cracked his head on a cigarette machine.
-Interesting. Interesting?
That's it? You're not gonna send me for a fucking test?
Anthony, what is it you want to achieve here?
What do I want to achieve?
I want to stop passing out
I want to stop fucking panicking
I want to direct my power and anger against the people that deserve it.
I want to be in total control -There's no such thing.
-Of course there is. Want to be a better leader?
You know what? Fuck you
You know who I am, and you know what I do. You called me.
Know where I was when you called?
I don't know
At a whorehouse, while a guy working for me...
...was beating a guy that owes me money
Broke his arm. Put a bullet in his kneecap
How'd that make you feel?
Wished it was me in there
Giving the beating or taking it?
(JAZZ soNo |=>|_AY|No )